Beauty

Once upon a time, last summer to be exact, I was traveling abroad with some of my best friends all over Europe.  It was absolutely incredible, something I'll have to get more into detail about another day.  As we walked the streets of Europe, a couple of my friends and I would notice some posh, chic, beautiful, stylish girl walking down the street and we would immediately say, "Are you kidding me?  She's adorable.  Did you see her outfit?!  She is so tiny!" and on and on and on.  While yes, these women were beautiful, there was a trend in our comments throughout our travels.  Can you guess what that was?  "She's so tiny." "She was itty bitty!" Apparently that was a comment that we made so much, that one of my friends was fed up with our comments and called us out on it.  She said, "why does every single person you guys point out as 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' have to be skinny?"  It stung.  We of course responded with, "They don't have to be skinny to be beautiful." But I couldn't get her comment out of my head.  It has stuck with me since that day.

I kept questioning myself, do I really believe that?  Am I really that shallow?  And unfortunately, I had to be honest with myself.  You see, I have never particularly been confident or happy with my body.  There's always something that I want to fix, and I have always looked at myself in comparison to others.  No, I don't believe that you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful, but there was something to be said in the trend of my thoughts.  I pointed out all of those beautiful and skinny women, because I wanted to be like them.  I wanted to be skinny, stylish, and everything else that they were.  Sound familiar? Of course it does.

George Tesui: "Looking in the Mirror"

For centuries, women have done such stupid things to achieve this idealistic beauty that is unattainable.  A few months ago I went to a presentation with my mom about fashion through the decades.  I learned about fashion from the 1840's to the 1960's.  In each decade, there was something so idiotic that women were doing for the sake of beauty and of course we all laughed and thought, 'why would these women do that to themselves?' The truth is, 50 years from now women will be saying the same thing about our generation.  It is the same problem, just manifest in a different way. Women risk their lives for beauty, whether it be the tight lacers back in the days of corsets, or the eating disorders of today, something has got to change.  It is a bigger problem than anyone can fix, but I know that I can fix the problem in myself, and hopefully I can teach my daughters what I know and they can fix the problem in themselves. Hopefully all of you try to fix the problem in yourselves.

It's no secret that each and every one of us has some sort of issue with our body image, even the people who in our minds, have perfect bodies.  We are constantly wishing we could look like someone else, and that is just sad.  Each and every one of us is beautiful, no matter what our body shape may be!  We need to stop focusing on all of the things we believe to be 'wrong' with our bodies.  We need to stop beating ourselves up over every little flaw and imperfection.  It has got to stop!  For all of us.  We cannot constantly bash ourselves for being imperfect. Everyone is.  I have heard complaints from women of all shapes and sizes about their bodies, and it is just sad.  I know it is easier said than done, but let's see if we can reverse the way in which we view ourselves and others.  Imagine how much different our children may think of themselves if we simply change our own thoughts?

If you're holding yourself accountable to reach perfection, you're never going to get there.  What you can and should hold yourself accountable for is becoming your best self.  You're never going to look like Angelina Jolie, because you're not her. Because Angelina Jolie is a) a woman and b) famous she probably has things that she is self conscious of as well! That goes with every woman that you view as "perfect."  Be your best self in all aspects of your life.  If you feel like you need to work out more, by all means, do it!  But do it for you, do it for your health, do it so you can improve your quality of life!  If you feel like you need to be more spiritual, then seek the things that your spirit is lacking.  Do you feel like you need some intellectual balance?  Read a book, go to a museum, learn something new. Just be a well balanced person.  Be the best you can be in all areas of your life.  Stop comparing yourself to others, and focus on yourself (I don't mean that selfishly). Beauty isn't just skin deep, and it's something that each of us would do well to remember, myself included.

Married.

Last week, I was able to go home to Utah and visit my family and friends.  It was seriously the best, and I was so incredibly happy to see everyone!  The only downside is that Jason wasn't there with me.  I'll tell you what, your perspective completely changes once you get married and commit yourself to someone.  There was a time when I thought no one could take precedence over my family, and I was right.  No one can take precedence over my family, except there is one little detail.  Jason is my family. Obviously, my family is still my family, and I love them more than words can ever say, but Jason is now my Family as well; We are now our own little family. Never have I ever cared that I was going on a trip without a boyfriend, especially if it was a trip with my family.  It's always a plus to have your S.O. there with you, but it wasn't a necessary thing for me.  I never cared all that much. I was like, "I'm going to cali with my family TTYL, HAGS!" and that was that.   Okay, maybe not quite like that, but still, you get my point.  Jason has changed my life in so many ways.  In ways that I probably haven't even realized yet.  Being in Utah with some of the people that I hold the most dear was so great, and I loved every minute, but being there without Jason was like going on a big family vacation to Hawaii and leaving your mom home, or one of your siblings.  It's like... hey, why are we leaving mom home?  It's just not a family trip without Mom.  Ohana means family.  Family means that no one gets left behind!

Being in Utah without Jason was like that, and I started to get a familiar feeling every night when I went to bed, alone.  It took me back to a time when I was single.  I don't know about you, but the times that I get the most profound thoughts are at night when I'm going to sleep, or in the shower.  Being single is fun, or so we all tell ourselves.  And for awhile, it is.  Then after awhile, it's not.  It's really, really not, and we keep trying to tell ourselves that it is, and sometimes we actually believe it.  We enjoy "the game," and we go to party after party, meeting tons of new people and fooling ourselves into thinking that we are making "so many new friends," and that college life is the best because I get to "do me."  

That is the great thing about college life and single life, we get to discover ourselves, and we make mistakes, and we do a lot of fun things with a lot of fun people, and if we are lucky, we make a few life long friends.  I'm not saying that being single is a bad thing, in fact, it is necessary. But still, at the end of the day, when the excitement is gone, and the people who constantly surround you have gone home, you're left alone.  At the end of the day, your lonliness overwhelms you, because you realize that you really are on your own.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good party every now and again, but after awhile it gets old, and you realize that these parties and these people and this environment is so.... empty.  And even though you try to ignore those feelings for so long, they always catch up to you because you can't hide from yourself forever, and you can only surround yourself with people for so long.  Then, when you're all alone wondering where you want your life to go, you get that feeling of being unfulfilled.  If you're in this stage of life, or have ever been in this stage of life, you know the feeling.  I'm glad I didn't give up and stop going to parties, and hanging out with a million different people, and coming home every night feeling unfulfilled.  If I would have given up, I wouldn't have met Jason. 

While I was in Utah I got to visit with my mom and dad, my brothers who everyone knows, I love dearly, all of my wonderful in-laws who I adore, and some of my very best friends!  At the end of the day though, I got that familiar feeling of being unfulfilled, because I wasn't with Jason.  It wasn't quite the same, because lucky for me, I get to keep my Jason forever, and I know that, but I realized now more than ever, that he really is the most important person in my life.  And for those of you who are married and have spent any time away from your spouse, I'm sure you have had this similar feeling.  

Being married rocks, and I would seriously recommend it to everyone.  When people say, "don't get married, it's a trap!"  I think it is the saddest thing in the world.  And I know that at the end of the day, they get that overwhelming feeling of loneliness that I once knew all too well.  The growth that I have had since I chose to take my life to the next step and marry my best friend has been anything but small.  I know I have a lot more growth to do, and I know I'll have my sweetheart by my side every step of the way.  There hasn't been a more perfect thing for humans than marriage and families.  I'm lucky to have my spouse by my side every step of the way, forever.  Marrying Jason was the best decision I have ever made, some may say it's the newlywed in me, some may say "call me in 10 years," and to them I say, you may be right, but the only difference between newlywed's and people who have "fallen out of love," or "changed," is effort.  Newlyweds are constantly trying to make each other happy.  If everyone stayed in their newlywed habits, I think the divorce rate would be much, much lower.  I love my husband, I wont ever stop, because I made a commitment to him, and I made a commitment to God, and that is more important to me than anything else in the world.

This all just kind of spilled out of me when I sat down to write, I intended to write about my super duper fun trip to Utah!  Guys, it was super fun!  Can you tell I missed Jason? Here's a picture of us at the temple in South Carolina today.  

We drove 2 hours to get there, and upon arriving were told that it was closed for maintenance... just our luck, right?  We still had a good time, despite the circumstances, and we were able to feel the spirit even though we didn't get to do a session.  Anyway, for those of you in that lonely state, to you I say, It only goes up from here.